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Nov 2019
two pigtails. yellow bows. mary jane shoes buckled around the side. tall white socks. lace trim. black skirted overalls. a baggy yellow sweater. pavement under my legs. my hands propping me up as i stare into the darkness. a yellow line runs between my legs before continued forever onward. no foggy headlights. no roaring engine. just the still, silent night. and me. echoing laugher fills the two hills. the steeper of which now gains light. my eyes are pressed shut. i wait for the inevitable. brighter. brighter. brighter.
-a dark vehicle speeds at me. I

the first scenario. the driver continues, unaware of the ghost he just sped through. my barely-tethered soul dissipates. those yellow bows float away. all i ever was. was a ghost. a premonition.
-a dark vehicle speeds at me. II

the second scenario. the car takes a sharp turn. screeching tires squeal against pavement. the driver whips their door open. they run over and hold me. wipe my tears. ask of me why. who would do such a thing. waiting in the road. praying for an eventual stranger to take them out. i wish i had the energy to respond. that i have been searching for a way to die. and this seemed the least selfish. the most likely to save my friends from the same fate down the line. where the most blame cannot be saddled with me.
-a dark vehicle speeds at me. III

the third scenario. the brake doesn’t work. maybe they didn’t hit it in the first place. they do, however, hit me. the world goes dark and suddenly i’m free. no more life on earth. no more bleeding wrists. no more skipped meals. no more papers due tomorrow that i haven’t begun. just me and the controller of this realm. alone in the great dark sky.
-a dark vehicle speeds at me. IIII

the final scenario. i’m in bed. i’m weeping. my wrists are bleeding and my stomach is empty. the pill bottle is too far. the razor is just out of reach. my only option is to wait. until i gain the energy to put my hair in two pigtails. to tie two yellow bows. to pull on my socks and buckle my mary janes. to slide into my baggy yellow sweater and clip my skirted overalls. before taking one shaky foot before the other. down the creaky stairs. out the squeaky door. into the street. where i wait. legs in front of me. chin the the heavens. eyes pressed shut.
-a dark vehicle speeds at me. IIIII
Written by
Grey Poduska
   BR Dragos
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