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Sep 12
The following is from my introduction thread from when I first made a Twitter:

Before 2019, the only things I knew about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, also known as multiple personality disorder or split personality disorder) was from fictional movies like Split.

In January, I started "losing time", finding myself in strange places, and forgetting who I am. And I started meeting my :

Since this exciting discovery, I have learned a whole lot more about DID and myself. While I have struggled with the symptoms of DID my entire life, I now finally have the language and community to understand myself more fully. Most individuals with DID do significantly better post-diagnosis and I have already started to see the benefits myself.

This thread is largely about my plurality (dissociative identity disorder) and how it relates to my sexuality. If you want to like or share but don’t want to expose people to NSFW content, please like or share from my SFW account.

Recent events in my life have left me desiring a place I can discuss both kink and mental health, as they overlap. My life exists at the intersection of these worlds and I hope this thread will help me share honestly about the intersection as I've lived it.

To understand why the intersection matters, first my story: I have struggled with CPTSD my whole life. I have been fortunate to get a college degree and be able to hold jobs most my adult life, but it's always been a challenge.

I have had 5 psychiatric hospitalizations with one happening as recent as last month (shortly before becoming active on here). This is a side of my life that I haven't talked about, mostly lot out of fear. I know now that this fear of opening up can ****, and so I am trying to be braver.

I had a near death hospitalization at 2 years old that left me with PTSD. I was kept in a straight jacket to keep me from fighting off the nurses who were just trying to help keep me alive. For periods of my treatment, my family were not allowed in the room.

This traumatic event split my ego into three pieces (at the time). The youngest stayed the same age as when I was hospitalized. He mostly likes to be held and is practically non-verbal and blind. My wife and I call him Little Sweet Pea (LSP for short).

Big sweet pea (BSP) was the alter that became "host" after the split. He is my most brilliant alter and is incredibly protective of LSP and Evangeline. He also has ADHD, BPD, and the worst of my PTSD triggers. He often relates to the charachter Sweet Pea / The Lich on Adventure Time.

He can be so loving when in a good mood and so destructive and vindictive when he is afraid. He ranges in age from 3 to 12 depending on spoons and setting, but prefers to stay at the younger ages.

Evangeline is the alter that took on most of my ****** fantasies. For most of my life, she has existed only in my mind (coming mostly to create elaborate daydreams while sitting in boring class lectures) or when I masturbated or played with my wife.

She is around the same age as BSP. She relates a lot with J-Lae and in particular the character Mystique. She also goes by Eevee (pokemon) and Evie (Cyrborg)

My fourth alter was created by necessity at age 13. BSP was still the host and his mental heath was causing problems. My parents were going to send me to residential treatment to "fix" me. Instead, I created a new alter imitating my healthier twin brother.

I have called this fourth alter by different names but lately my wife and I refer to him as Vincent Adultman (VA) after reading an article on depth psychology as it relates to some ABDLs with trauma. This alter was the primary host from 13 to now.

We discovered my DID in January while engaged in depth trauma work. It has been both a healing and difficult three months as we continue to open up this can of worms. We have always experienced DID symptoms, but never before had the language or community.

New challenges for me in 2019 related to DID: traumatic memory recall, losing time, difficulty sleeping past 4 am, night terrors, non-linear memory storage, dissociative amnesia, dissociative fugue, dissociative stupor, and dissociative trance (all the dissociation!)

New blessings for me in 2019 related to DID: healthier weight and appetite, more energy, healthier *** drive, non-linear memory storage, increased desire for authenticity, reduced susceptibility to old fear triggers

About one month ago, I met a fifth alter. We are currently calling him Ryan. He is a second adult(ish) persona we created in order to interact with my family as an adult. He is hilarious but he requires the greatest number of spoons in order to channel.

And that makes up all of my known alters! DID has been such a large part of my life since my diagnosis that I decided to be more open about it, despite how scary that is for me.

I feel a need to protect my little alters while also wanting them to have a forum they can participate in. Being active on Twitter was actually Evangeline's idea. After 29 years of hiding, Evangeline decided she doesn't want to hide anymore.

I got news of my *** cousin's suicide on Friday. His death inspired me to talk more honestly about my mental health as it relates to my queer identity. I post this thread in his honor.

I am so grateful to my older cousin who paved the road for me (coming out as queer in a Mormon family) before I was even fully aware of the road that I would travel. I sincerely don't believe I'd be alive without him.

I choose to honor his life by living as authentically and happily as I can, every single day. It's truly the only gift I can give him now. Thanks so much for reading!
Also side effect:
Written by
Evangeline Ruth Hope  Transfeminine/South Lake, Utah
(Transfeminine/South Lake, Utah)   
   G Alan Johnson and SJG
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