Sep 2019
I burn the midnight oil
I burn the midnight oil
Because its when the world is quiet
And I can turn in hours
Correspond.
I try to drink more water
Kicking up dust, dirt
Gumption
I remember when that was a word
An ex lover
Who later would describe himself in my life
As a beleaguered father
But I never fully understood what that meant
No, just now I kinda do.
My hair grows long again
Lana del Rey came out with a new album
Her work always seems to
Fall right into
The cracks and crevices of
The woodwork.
And I often feel nostalgic for the past
I can't repeat
Like I'm some kind of pretty manic
Southern machine.
I'm wondering how where
Will I conjure up
The next thing?
It all takes so much time.
And I remember riding in the car
In my lime green
Pink sunglasses
Coral lips
So perfectly curated
I wanted to resemble
Outshine even
All the film girl fantasies
Like maybe, just maybe
If I looked like your perfect leading lady
It woulda been me you chose.
It wasn't in the end though
I don't think you could
Ever quite figure it out.
But god knows I ******' tried.
I danced among the sea foam
Wrote poems into the night sky
Just hoping in time you would realize
Through my poems
Through my feet waltzing among egg shells
Through my willingness to coach and share
That it coulda been me
It was me
It was me all this time.
A one sided fantasy is only so good.
I wonder how you are
And imagine you moving on and forward
I wonder if your life is simpler now
Now that I've been banished away
Now that you have banished yourself away.
It was only gonna last so long
It was only gonna last so long
You used to watch my stories
I'd always notice when you did
I just always wanted you to pay attention
I just wanted you to look at me
To care, to feel a real interest
But you were turned away the whole way through
And I still feel the sting of your half hearted caresses
Your half hearted love
Your half hearted.
You said we were like a movie
And its only in that regard
That I look back at it with cinematic eyes
And know that was all
That was it
It was never going to be more
Than me with me.
I burn the midnight oil
Because its when the world is quiet
And I can turn in hours
Correspond.
I try to drink more water
Kicking up dust, dirt
Gumption
I remember when that was a word
An ex lover
Who later would describe himself in my life
As a beleaguered father
But I never fully understood what that meant
No, just now I kinda do.
My hair grows long again
Lana del Rey came out with a new album
Her work always seems to
Fall right into
The cracks and crevices of
The woodwork.
And I often feel nostalgic for the past
I can't repeat
Like I'm some kind of pretty manic
Southern machine.
I'm wondering how where
Will I conjure up
The next thing?
It all takes so much time.
And I remember riding in the car
In my lime green
Pink sunglasses
Coral lips
So perfectly curated
I wanted to resemble
Outshine even
All the film girl fantasies
Like maybe, just maybe
If I looked like your perfect leading lady
It woulda been me you chose.
It wasn't in the end though
I don't think you could
Ever quite figure it out.
But god knows I ******' tried.
I danced among the sea foam
Wrote poems into the night sky
Just hoping in time you would realize
Through my poems
Through my feet waltzing among egg shells
Through my willingness to coach and share
That it coulda been me
It was me
It was me all this time.
A one sided fantasy is only so good.
I wonder how you are
And imagine you moving on and forward
I wonder if your life is simpler now
Now that I've been banished away
Now that you have banished yourself away.
It was only gonna last so long
It was only gonna last so long
You used to watch my stories
I'd always notice when you did
I just always wanted you to pay attention
I just wanted you to look at me
To care, to feel a real interest
But you were turned away the whole way through
And I still feel the sting of your half hearted caresses
Your half hearted love
Your half hearted.
You said we were like a movie
And its only in that regard
That I look back at it with cinematic eyes
And know that was all
That was it
It was never going to be more
Than me with me.
