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Aug 2019
"This evening I sat by the river
and watched the sun set on the hills.
Now daylight's long gone, I don't shiver.
Wrapped up in these boxes of pills.

Don't know if I took six or seven.
The wine's gone and it's getting late.
But I'll be on that first flight to Heaven
and honey you know I can't wait"

-

As she shines down on the world far below
she will smile, 'cause she knows
I'll be reading her letter.

But she couldn't tell me that she had to go.
Ask me why; I suppose
that I'd never have let her had I known.

- -

Well since then I've seen eighty-odd seasons.
Now I know how you learned to fly,
and I guess I agree with your reasons
why I couldn't have my goodbye.

It was never enough to adore you.
When I couldn't repel the attacks.
There was nothing my love could do for you.
It was cruel to keep pulling you back,

-

and so I sit here where you watched the light fade.
You've been gone for so long
but I finally get it,

and all I can hear is the promise I made
to stand tall and be strong.
But I'd never have said it had I known.

- -

Now I feel like I'm not far behind you.
I take one step closer each day.
But there's someone here who's just like you,
so I think, for the moment, I'll stay.

When I close my eyes I still see you.
Not forgotten, and never replaced.
But sometimes I swear she could be you
when she puts that same smile on my face.

-

Had I been blessed with your wisdom, I know
I'd have gone with you there.
It'd be for the better.

Can't wait to rest, need to let this pain go,
and I say I don't care
but I'd never have met her had I flown.

- -

She thinks she doesn't deserve me,
that she can't be what I say she is,
and I can't find a way to make her see
there's nothing I could want more than this.

But soon she'll be far in the distance
when I've said my goodbye one last time,
and I don't understand this resistance
to my plans, now I've made up my mind.

-

When I was lost, alone, battered and scared
there was nobody there
to show me it was worth it.

Now suddenly they're pretending to care.
But I've seen through their stares
and I'm leaving this place they call 'home'.
Clinging to positives was all for nothing.
Ben Meraki
Written by
Ben Meraki  35/M/Bristol, UK
(35/M/Bristol, UK)   
502
 
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