No matter how much I want to trust
and love again
I feel as if I’m simply
damaged beyond repair
I gave my all

And as if I was merely some shadow
I felt unwanted and unseen
jealousy among other insecurities
the sense of losing everything

All I could do was either believe
everything would be okay
or withdraw from everyone I knew
including myself

I never knew love could
leave such a mark of self-hate and disgust
of terror and disorientation
about what love meant

I fear being loved again
but crave it
gaining the courage to trust
myself to trust again
is like walking on eggshells

Claiming my self worth and love
has gotten me far
yet this permanent fear
in my mind and heart
has already made a home