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Aug 1
I feel so old
as I mope around
i think my sadness makes me heavier
by more than a few pounds

my muscles ache from the gym
as inconsistently I go
try to rebalance my chemicals
from my head to my toes

I feel worthless and dumb
I've never failed this bad before
I think with every obstacle I come to
I feel more and more

I think I've processed a lot that happened
but It never really stops
Once I am over one thing
I have to rush to the shops

I have to print off my work
I have to prepare a presentation
I have to realise my life wont ever
be like a vacation

I really needed one right now
I need to go to the beach
feel the water on my skin
and the sand in my feet

But I have failed today
I have no one else to blame
I'll try to learn from this
because I doubt I'll get fame

I need a life, need a living
Need to fulfill my needs
what if I've got it wrong, all of the things
I wanted to be?

I am so motivated now
This is a sleepless night.
How much can this body take,
when I've had enough fights.

Ive fought for freedom before
I fight for balance now
But no one sees my mind
the way I do so how

Am I meant to explain
or process anything?
Friends are on holiday,
some getting diamond rings

I cant just paint them black
with my mournful existence
I'm trying hard to be better
without anyones assistance

And this is hard but it is good
This will make me stronger.
Everything I go through
makes me want to live longer.

Enough to see myself change
to who I want to be
Because I believe in myself
would you care to believe in me?
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