Another lonely cycle and I’ll fall back to you
A delusion of second chances clawing like a relapse

The marionette strings will guide my hands
To the machine that will reanimate this
Phantom reflection of things long dead

My tongue will swirl and ask you, again
If you remember our promise
That inequitable scream you affirmed

I will retire to the same fantasy:
Us, lain down on the hood of a car
The upside down stars
And summer heat melting us together in December
And I will tell myself that in that dream I do not love you

My heart will swell and my lungs will strain
And I will fabricate a false god to worship
Less than obsession with you

The mantras will repeat
“This is normal.”
“I know what I'm doing.”
And
“I've just never had a friend like you.”
But I will know
My body has betrayed me

I will be reminded
I am just a girl

I will wish for it to be unmade
As much as I wish you felt it
But in the end
The heart wants what the heart wants
Even when it wants to **** you

So I'm sorry,
My friend,
For all the things I am yet to hurt you with
But I fear I have no choice