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Jun 27
i hate punishing other people
for the hell you gave to me
all because they share your name.
i know they aren’t you, they’re good people,
but i can’t help but feel uneasy about it.
i hear your name and it rings in my head.
it takes me back to where i was
when i knew you, when i cared about you,
when you lied to me, when you ruined me,
and it brings the sinking feeling in my stomach
and the pain in my chest that i once felt
all over again.
i feel the familiar and dark shades of gray all over again.
i feel the dullness all over again.
i feel the fear all over again.
i feel the weight on my shoulders all over again.
i feel the pain in my soul all over again.
i feel the coldness in everything all over again.
i feel the putrid disgust all over again.
i feel the disconnection from myself all over again.
i feel the anger all over again.
i feel my guard go up all over again.
i feel the distaste in my all over mouth.
i feel the burning in my veins all over again.
i feel your radiating hate all over again.
when i hear those four letters
it takes me back to where i was
where my youth and sense of safety
was forcefully stolen.

- you forever ruined your name for me

// q.h.
June 27, 2019
Kouvr Quinn Heller
Written by
Kouvr Quinn Heller  16/Non-binary/Pennsylvania
(16/Non-binary/Pennsylvania)   
590
     BR Dragos and Kouvr Quinn Heller
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