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Jun 20
I was born in a house
And it wasn't a home
and my takehome from that
Is that inside of my bones

I am bad, I am needy
not enough for this
Gotta work to be loved
Even a little bit

But mixed messages come
From all over the place
It confuses my mind
When I get into states

When a friend starts to say
Something nice about me
It just hurts that deep down
That they mean what they see

I wish I saw it earlier
The goodness in me
and it hurts I've had to
Crawl down on my knees

Through the dirt and the *******
That nobody wants
To a pothole in London
written in different fonts

And there's tourists around
They're amazed at my skin
But when i moved up north
they found me sickening

Throwing rocks at me
while I walk to school
i want to succeed
so I don't see you

So I'm ***** I think
Should be ashamed of my skin
didn't think my colour mattered
Nothing's changed I think

But when I met you
you'd been in my skin
I felt so understood
In everything

and when you just left
Couldn't handle my honesty
Honestly sorry
couldn't keep it all in me

And then there is family
Or whatever's left of it
Half of me urbanised
Half of me ethnic

All these expectations
You're placing on me
Then after all that talk
You tell me I'm free?

It's *******
I know you wouldnt ever forgive me
If I threw away my intellect
Just to see the sea

Just to paint the waves
Just to see my friends
It isn't your fault
You're only 18 when

You're meant to decide
What to do with your life
but what if all my decisions
Are just socialised

I'm going by norms
I'm following trends
Don't want to be a sheep
or be mindless again

So right back to uni
I don't want to scare you
When I love it I love it
And when I'm angry
I'm fearful

**** fear let's talk love
He opened my heart
While I cut up dead bodies
In anatomy class

And when we broke up
I felt so **** useless
Who would want this body
When it's so **** fruitless

Then the dating apps differ
I'm swiping past lives
How can I judge someone
With only my eyes?

How is it so easy
To just **** a stranger?
Am I being healthy?
Or am I in danger?

How can I be rejected
In daily persuits
while simultaneously
Be chased by boys
who'd **** anything too

don't get me wrong it's fun
But sometimes it feels wrong
I was raised to wait till marriage
Before you get to that song

But I am my own person
I am not my past
I am not my future
I can't ******* be arsed

To listen to you
I'll be who I am
it's hard to stop listening
Not most people can
Written by
   BR Dragos
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