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Jun 11
I look for family in everyone---
My blood banked me in brick buildings
And grumbled when I didn't smile.
My childhood was only legos,

Plastic strewn across the floor
That I step on if I dont watch when I'm going.
I'm growing, I grew up.
No milestones but the ones I set
And ones I'm told I passed 5 miles ago.

My home is a roof over my head
Without walls, without windows, without doors.
It is nothing more than a place to be,
Like any other place, and it is not my home,
Nor is any other place. I do not have a home,
I make my own.
In churches, in hearts, in moments

But not in a person, not in a bed, to call mine.
I plan to burn all my bridges eventually
I learned to swim.
Breaking knees, I break my knees
And I patch myself up with bandaid.

Every community a mourning
Of a family that might have been
Of a childhood that should have been
Of a person that would not have been.
A mourning rich with regrets that aren't mine to have.

I pretend the past doesn't exist
And sometimes I make-believe the future doesn't, either
I pick through the shame
For something worth keeping.

My only family is my tea
When I am gone, it will cool and settle
And someday it will join the rivers
And pass through the gills of a million fish
Returning to their hatching bed to spawn
And finding dam after dam.
I wanna real family.
Xallan
Written by
Xallan  111/Other/Hellas Planitia
(111/Other/Hellas Planitia)   
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