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Jun 3
(writing from another perspective)

'No One'

No one saw, the invisible
funerals my body carried.

No one could hear, the dirge my brain —
howled, buried under your weight since we married.

I was my first therapist, I tried to stay, stay sane -
you looked away, & scowled.

Like I was just a fume, a smell - invisible,  
like methane ~ wrapped around-the-clock, *****, used like a towel,
No one heard how, I just made you feel miserable,
I felt like the fade of a smell that, for you -  was unbreathable, & all too foul.

No one heard anything of me, even if I spoke aloud.

I was a choked, incoherent, mixed up like a stroke victim's words, in a deafening
silence, I drowned ~
Knowing that, I held no real meaning.

No one knew, I was an exhale of misplaced consonants, but you, you held all of my vowels ~

I was faithful,
& you,
you left your vows.

No one saw, how I'd stayed
How my devotion was repaid.
How in your world, I was always on trial—How I bore no weight, & was treated as a liar,
How many times I had pulled away, to protect this heart - closed my ribcage, as you came down on us as a piledriver
       splits a whales ribcage - through
~
With this dismantled fortitude,
My heart was opened to you, & between my emotion
& my brain
     you kept me torn in two.

In that moment, I was torn between two tides
I wish I knew - all I needed, had already been built from inside.

No one knew, & now they'll never know,
I was once as powerful as the words I wrote,
& as my story started to add up, you kept my mouth shut
My tongue was too loud, & my words used to cut — how
I was a birdsong you wanted for yourself, became crazed when I'd attracted a crowd,
So you convinced them I was bad blood, that they shouldn't trust.

You were able to read me like a book, I wish
You had never touched —
           hollowed black letters crunched
            into the pages  
      where time flies from
my grasp like a plague of bugs
    swarming my dearly beloved cage—a trance like state
        I'd mind, but minds are meant to be lost.

No one knew, I was an exhale of misplaced consonants, but you, you held all of my vowels ~
of misplaced consonants, but you, you held all of my vowels ~

I was faithful,
& you,
you left your vows.

By: Ashton Conor Amstutz
Ashton Conor Amstutz
Written by
Ashton Conor Amstutz  23/M/Kalamazoo, Michigan
(23/M/Kalamazoo, Michigan)   
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