May 2019
2/25/19
14:17 pm
please stop tearing me up and down. i can’t take it. and i’m realizing slowly, if i stop to breathe, there will be nothing left of me. i need to go. go. go. i need to leave you behind.
if i could just find the remote, i could mute the **** in my head. i know too much. i’m better off dead.
no such luck. i’m sorry about the mirror i broke. i’ll pick it up when my hands stop bleeding. i’ll pick it all up when i feel like me again.
15:41 pm
this isn’t a suicide note. but my god, i want to die.
i swallow oblivion for breakfast and by lunch i puke it all up. i never learn my lesson and it’s probably all my fault.
i yell more than i speak and if i really wanted to die, there’s nothing you could do to stop me.
i am my own destruction. raised with a heart of gold, but gold doesn’t keep you alive. neither have any of the hands i’ve learned to hold.
i’m breaking free ‘cause if i keep living this life i swear
it’ll **** me.
i’ll **** me.
i just want to wake up.
18:20 pm
i wake up in the same skin i fell asleep in. almost like i can never take it off. almost like if you walked by me three years later my skin would still be calling your name and that’s ****** up.
i can’t sleep unless i’m drugged up (or unless i’m by you) but you don’t know that. you don’t need to. i won’t let you.
my secrets are my armor. i pile them high. you will never again get through to me. you will never again get through to me. you will never again get through to me.
2/26/19
2:13 am
how'd you get through to me? **
14:17 pm
please stop tearing me up and down. i can’t take it. and i’m realizing slowly, if i stop to breathe, there will be nothing left of me. i need to go. go. go. i need to leave you behind.
if i could just find the remote, i could mute the **** in my head. i know too much. i’m better off dead.
no such luck. i’m sorry about the mirror i broke. i’ll pick it up when my hands stop bleeding. i’ll pick it all up when i feel like me again.
15:41 pm
this isn’t a suicide note. but my god, i want to die.
i swallow oblivion for breakfast and by lunch i puke it all up. i never learn my lesson and it’s probably all my fault.
i yell more than i speak and if i really wanted to die, there’s nothing you could do to stop me.
i am my own destruction. raised with a heart of gold, but gold doesn’t keep you alive. neither have any of the hands i’ve learned to hold.
i’m breaking free ‘cause if i keep living this life i swear
it’ll **** me.
i’ll **** me.
i just want to wake up.
18:20 pm
i wake up in the same skin i fell asleep in. almost like i can never take it off. almost like if you walked by me three years later my skin would still be calling your name and that’s ****** up.
i can’t sleep unless i’m drugged up (or unless i’m by you) but you don’t know that. you don’t need to. i won’t let you.
my secrets are my armor. i pile them high. you will never again get through to me. you will never again get through to me. you will never again get through to me.
2/26/19
2:13 am
how'd you get through to me? **
a diary entry from long ago
