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May 15
I honestly don't know if you even exist.
And I know people say that all the time about the person they are meant to be with but they always find someone but I am different.
I'm just like everyone else in a LOT of ways but in this matter I am so wholly different.
I am broken.
I want too much of so much.
And I have no reason to believe that there is someone out there who will be what I want, no matter what those two dreams I had ages ago suggested.
Because I have had SO MANY experiences where I took comfort in something that turned out to be COMPLETELY wrong.
So who's to say those dreams meant something?
Probably they just meant nothing.
And I'm angry.
I'm angry at myself for still wanting something I don't honestly think I'm any good at.
I'm angry at myself for not being able to let it go.
I'm angry at myself for sharing too much of myself and expecting people to not be freaked out by it.
I'm angry at myself for just BEING so much.
Too much.
Too much body,
too much voice,
too much emotion,
too much passion,
too much inability to weather my feelings.
Too much.
Why should I hold on to hope that someone will come along and suddenly see all that as good things?

I shouldn't.

I am too much.

I hope for your sake you find someone who will be perfect for you.
I hope you live a long, happy life and that when you die you make it to heaven.
I hope your dreams come true.
My dream was you, but I hope I can find a way to let that go.
Anyway. Bye. I wish you joy.
Written by
Quixotic  F/Appalachia
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