When you are near i can feel my body degrading. i have the urge to rip my skin off with my finger nails i have the urge to tuck myself into a ball and hide in the comfort of my own arms i have the urge to pinch my wrists till i feel my pulse-rate through my veins while i bleed.
when you are near i can feel my whole body flaming. when i breath, i feel my chest physically burning every breath feels as if there is a volcano inside me that is about to erupt my body begins to shut down leaving only agony.
The ache that bolts through my broken body builds up so much that when i saw you again across the street, my body froze. the thought of you making me feel vulnerable once again got me to my knees crying on the pavement while others stand around observing me as if was the one in the wrong.
i have been getting memories of you once again. i feel unsafe leaving the house. i watch my surroundings every second getting ready to run.
Its hard to remember clearly but i can never forget the way you looked at me. Your eyes peeling away the layers of my clothing waiting for me to obey word by word. I for one couldn't understand what was happening. i stayed clueless for a long time; only shock and fear were the emotions i could understand... especially the times where you threatened and abused me.
the emotional and physical pain you have put me through has **** the innocent girl that once lived here. now there is a woman with cuts and cracks on her body. a woman who cry's herself to sleep almost every night. a woman who wonders what it is like to not have anxiety attacks 4 times a week.
sorry this a bit personal but i just needed to put it out there in case there were anyone else who is going through the same thing so they know that they arent alone. i may not be a good writer but i got my story out and honestly when i went through this, i didnt know this happened to millions of other little girls and boys so i felt so alone and different and that made me feel so scared.
im not special but i just hope everyones alright and also writing about my problems help me out so yea :]