I want to die with a smile knowing I've lived true to myself. My scars and pains that remain made me empty to something else.
I am better than I was and more aware of my capacities but I am gripped with uncertainty. What am I to do that I won't regret? What am I to feel that I won't forget. A meaningful experience is all I ever wanted and yet I despise to say yes because that means surrender.
Accepting that I am too weak to be on my own, so I lounge in my loneliness. I am a coward afraid to accept help and so I despise what I can't have and yearn so desperately.
Am I to teach others to be better and lie about my success or am I to feel as I feel and be as I am? Achievement of something substantial and memorable not to the world or the universe but to myself, I am to gripped with the uncertainty of living the delirium that is each day to simply be.
So I will push and push and hum a familiar tune of loneliness in the hopes that one day I will achieve the greatest achievement of myself.