I wish I could be who you remember me as.
I'm not sure that person exists anymore.
They were lost in the fog that my life has become.
Going through every day as a barely functional automaton.
I know I was not always this way.
Somehow I became separated from the person you remember.
Flashes of joy now serve only to remind me of what I no longer am.
I can pretend to be that person sometimes.
I can act like them enough to allay suspicions when needed.
You are not really fooled though.
I can tell because you try to help.
I know that you care.
That is why I still face the pain.
Every time that I fail to be who you remember I feel them getting further away.
I shout into the void hoping to find them.
Hoping to find myself.
The fog makes me unable to even see who I am now.
How should this person I am now act?
I know that person you remember made you happy.
Do you even want to know this person?
I am not sure that I do.
I miss that person who you remember.
I ache to make you happy again.
I am cut deeply every time I make you cry.
I am a broken automaton.