I'm breathing slightly heavily
I sat anticipating....the feeling
I freeze when you look at me
Bc you're seeing me

Your gaze wanders, but it comes back
I tense up when it's back

You do see me

I swallow and hope I don't choke when you're looking into my eyes and I'm aware I'm being seen

I can't hide my nervous tics or the nauseating feeling from remembered trauma and hyper attentiveness

You don't turn me away
And I suppose that's your job

But it is more than that and I can sense it and when I do I tense again

My head is heavy and my heart is steady as I contain my laughs and smiles just a moment longer

So there isn't the acknowledgement that you're what's on my mind


I'm the queen of subtlety; of unspecified glances and daydreams and gentle flirtation

I figured myself out to a degree and I'm starting from scratch

I don't know where this feeling should go- it's too soon for my heart but my head is tired of tossing the idea around

If I think too hard I start to imagine me, still lacking confidence but at least owning myself enough to tell you I want to try this with you


I'm enamored, empassioned, and frightful

When I feel this I run and I dont look back.

And yet I stay

With the hope and dreams for a future

In it things are just....different and I can take myself to that vulnerable place and it's received and cherished and respected.

God, I want to kiss you and I know that's so boring and unoriginal and simplistic but when I think about kissing you? My brain goes warm and fuzzy and I'm reminded I do and can feel joy and lust and care and passion.

My heart is full and I can't bleed it dry again, she just can't take it

But what I can take is one more look at that beautiful face of yours and wonder to myself how things could be if I had the courage to just ask you

I want to feel it. I want to feel you opening up to me and getting closer and feeling like maybe there's a part of you that wants.... something

I feel something; it's something that's happened between now and months ago and its changing and it scares me but you're making me feel something and its worth addressing