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May 5
I lied.
I lied and said I didn’t care
I said I had no feelings for you.
I thought you had no impact.
I was cold. Chilly like a winters evening. My breath fogging as I twisted the knife.
You went to her, you did.
You said you didn’t sleep with her, but she cried that you did.

And when I met her, her eyes were blazing ambers. If they were lasers they’d tear right through me, my unsuspecting flesh searing in front of you at the dinner table.
Tonight I didn’t know why she hated me. You let me show up, and you sat next to me, and she loudly hated everything about me.

She was bad to me. A rotten core and worms burrowing through her meat.
There aren’t many situations where I feel innocent- we know the solution to all my problems is to blame myself.
But it was you. You. Let her.

I want to tie a message to your wrist saying “don’t do it”, so maybe you’ll look down and think to stop hurting everyone around you. You might read it and decide not to run to me and tell me you love me.

I want to stand in front of you and point to my chest and say “you’re not welcome here anymore”.. but I never let you in in the first place.
I should’ve admitted I loved you, and you shouldn’t have lied to me about sleeping with other women.

Smoking in the ambers from her eyes, we catch fire on the other side of the table. I bite my tongue and swallow down my screaming, you’re shaking as you try and smile through the pain.

You whisper ‘I love you’.
& We are alight, burning hair, burning clothes, burning hearts, burning lies.
I’ll turn to ash and cinders before a reply leaves my lips.
I’m dying, & I won’t say it.
Jana Rosinska
Written by
Jana Rosinska  26/Neutrois/Under the Hunters Moon
(26/Neutrois/Under the Hunters Moon)   
141
   Suzy Berlinsky
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