It is like having a twin, whose existence makes other people uncomfortable. Like before I was born, only I was in the ultrasound. And no one was prepared for her when she followed me into the world. It is like having a shadow that does not just stretch out behind me, But instead, she has attached herself to my back. It is like she has hooked her fingers over the edges of my ribcage, Her head is resting on the start of my spine. Her heels are digging into my thighs. People ask why I let her hang around, As if I have a choice. It is like everyone is waiting for me to admit that I want her. It is like they are all expecting me to secretly bend so she can climb on, I do not. They think I like it when I want to laugh but hers is what they hear, I do not. They think I choose the days when she is with me, telling me the words to say I do not. They think that when I wake up, she is something I put on. Like a favourite t-shirt or a sad song. She is not. She is with me when I wake up. She is with me when I sleep. She is with me when I take my clothes off. She is like a second skin that I can’t shed.
Do not ask me to leave her behind Because it is not my decision I cannot control her hold on me It is her who is pulling the strings
It is like having a side of me that no one wants to know. - As if they don’t already know her. She is me when I can not help being down. She is me when I can hardly whisper a sound. She is me when I laugh the hardest. She is me when I am missed. She is me no matter your belief. And maybe one day she will walk away. But until then, She is me.
A second without her feels like an eternity in Heaven