When I left I said We’re through And I’m never coming back
It’s been 18 years now And I’ve seen and heard things about you In the meantime
And I have to say With no ill intent That you have really let yourself go I wasn’t prepared for this in coming back It’s ironic because it’s why I left you
When I washed my hands of you I consoled myself With thinking In fact Knowing That you were a ***** Who gave it up too easily Or a monster like Frankenstein’s Electrified on a table Not quite dead But not quite alive
A friend once said that you were Always nicely coiffed But walked about With a long trail of **** smeared toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your superb shoe Scraping under and behind And unbeknownst to you
I’ve walked and walked Everywhere With a book So as not to look Crazy And I’ve sat waiting For you to appear Suddenly
I’ve sniffed the air For you On this street and on that Stalking you really But you were gone. I sat in that park for a long time
Washington Square With my little book After One short story or two I closed the book I left There’s nothing here. You’re gone.
The first time you made me stop in my tracks completely I was bewildered on First Avenue heading south It was long ago Now I realize that it was a premonition I was suddenly lost I stared at the sign that read K-I-E-V in neon to my left I told myself “You know where you are” “You know exactly where are you are” And in any event, keep heading south “You know where you are.”
Upon my return all these years later it happened again on Canal I stared hard at elderly Chinese couples Hoping for eye contact which I never got Looking for an answer An explanation Their strategy for survival Is this Co-Existence or a Time Loop gone WRONG? How many of us are actually ghosts? An old boyfriend told me once that they don’t like you. And neither do the Poles.
“Is this the real life?”
I forgot until quite recently that Not so long afterwards in Astor Place I thought about you again I thought that you must have moved over one block West But that’s just not possible. It really is you. This is you.
So casting you to the side as I have done As I had done Will it help me at all? Has it helped me at all!
Now I wonder if you are a captive monster rendered impotent by steel and concrete? Or a jammed low frequency that dulls the mind which Science won’t render mute? Was it a healing potion The perfect ratio of **** and **** and rage That was The Most Holy of Trinities? Spurned and now this
If we made it again A perfect batch Could it re-start your heart and keep it beating? Like the Doctor in the stormy moonlight?
Do the tides help at all? I don’t miss you if that’s what you’re thinking.