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Apr 2019
i'm a walking metaphor;
my body is the epitome of everything's wrong in my life
i count my self-esteem in how many dresses i have to try before i find the one that suits me
and it will always end up shrinking
and shrinking until all of my leftover self-worth disappear
i take too much space
and i wear too many layers to make me less visible
so that no eyes will linger on me
and blame me for being too much and too
and too and too
everything's too much
don't i wish to be invisible for real?
yes, i do
i keep playing 'empty room' by arcade fire
too many times
that the lyrics fill the void in me
and make me feeling a lot, and better
well, i know this body will end up in six-feet under
so please don't remind me to embrace it
because i really can't help but to hate it
and no ma'am, i can't fake it at all
i pray the ground will swallow me whole.
Written by
hizatul akmah
40
 
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