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Apr 2019
she lays on one side,
and he lays on the other.
she is a beautiful flower against the brutalist landscape,
he, thistle and thorn on a path rightfully left untrodden.
she is an ornate nib against the parchment, gliding with grace,
he, a metal implement against the wood, etching with fire.               
she is my first musing in the early morning,
he, my final contemplation at night.
she is the uplifting ionian in a chord progression,
he, the dark, dissonant sharp iv of the fanciful lydian.
she smiles,
he frowns.
i  know i can't keep fetishizing the idea of compromise.
s o  g e t  o u t  o f  m y  h e a d,
and croon the dirge with me.
no more rifts or ultimatums, please.
i can't be alone any longer.
don't make me choose right now.
no. NO.
just hold me tight,
and tell me things will get better.
in my nightstand, there lies a bottle of pills
(some old opioids, i think)                                            
and a paring knife.
you both are the reason i don't pick up either.
both of you are my lifeline...
no more rifts or ultimatums, please.
just both of you, and me.
can you love two people at once?
i thought i was better. i thought i was healed. but like a vice that you never truly escape, my past has come back to haunt me. it's alright though. i see a light at the end of the tunnel and writing this helped me get a little closer to it. i just need to wait out the night.

inspired by Scott's "Small Rituals":
Reignier Lauridsen
Written by
Reignier Lauridsen  14/Gender Fluid/♫ in our idle town ♫
(14/Gender Fluid/♫ in our idle town ♫)   
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