battling bits of depression when you can’t identify the cause is fighting a force field that you parallelingly approach infinity with. You see it, you dont see its end. You see yourself, you know youre not going to end. But you wish it would go away (which one?).
Fake a smile and dont talk to anyone about it in fear of being vulnerable. Feel your way through zones of safe head nods and small talk until you can lie back on the couch and be wisped away by dreams that quickly turn to nightmares.
shed a tear or two in the shower so your dog cannot lick them from your neck. hiding your vulnerabilities from even the most vulnerable. breathe in the cool breeze from outside …through a 3” opening… in hopes of a resurgent power, but only finding a gripping need to not. do. anything.
I guess its better when you write about it, but now I can’t put it away… here it is —