it's different for a girl.
the first time I had ***, i was drunk and he didn't love me, but everyone else was doing it, so i did it too.
i don't remember everything, but i remember how quiet it was all around us and how small i felt.
he didn't kiss me at all and we didn't really look at each other and when it was over he kissed me on the forehead and left me alone to walk home.
i felt excited at first, like i was finally an adult. i expected to wake up the next morning with all the answers, and that i'd look like a different person.

i didn't look any different, and the only thing i felt, was sore.

the emptiness set in, and the exhilaration rotted into shame.
i wasn't in love, i didn't remember it that well and i knew i hadn't been ready.

although, i'll never admit that to anyone.

it's different for a girl.