Did I wake up this morning?
Am I walking in an endless nightmare?
A confined circle of my own
mental construction
of which I am stabbed
by this fear of the unknown.
When in reality
existence is the unknown.
Did I wake up this morning?

Cup of coffee, empty in minutes.
Breakfast devoured
drive to work finished.
Is my inner self
as empty as my cup?
My plate?
My drive?
One foot in front of the other
Walking towards ceasing
Until then, an endless cycle
a nightmare of failure.
Broken up with the numbing.
Did I wake up this morning?

Working.
Working.
Working.
Am I a dull boy?
Is it because the bonds that
actually remind me of worth
are slowly broken by this
pointless endless stream of earning
of learning?
That's what They say.
But what am I truly discovering?
Enlightenment is nowhere in sight.
In its place, a puddle of mediocrity;
of this monotone routine.
A cage.
Is this my own, subtle hell?
Have I been bad?
Did I wake up this morning?

It always crosses my mind
that maybe I haven't ended it all
simply because I am truly
afraid of the nothingness.
The true breaking of the routine.
That I am more afraid of that
than the normality in this emptiness.
Is it because deep down
like the others
I believe that maybe
there is something to hold on to?
Did I wake up this morning?

Part of me is okay
with the idea
of this being a sort of subtle hell.
Because in the depths
of this emotional abyss
I find solace in love.
The burning empathy I have
for all life.
And most of all
for my family.
My friends.
My lover.
These people are
those that throw me a rope
and at least temporarily
dig me out of this
mental nightmare.
And if this temporary bliss
they give me in this
infinite insanity
despite perhaps them not existing at all
isn't what being alive feels like,
maybe I am okay with being dead.
Of existing in this looping dream
inside my head.
Did I wake up this morning?
Perhaps I don't care.