nostalgic
for the honest ****
bathroom floors in friend's apartments
ten dollar bleach kits
orange tint
drinks and joints lit
feeling it now
drunk and confessing my sorrows
high anxiety
because
things come back and bite you if you're not careful
be aware of what you confide in strangers
and
I'm telling myself constantly
to appreciate my privacy
because I always get stuck regretting
the minute after letting someone in
and
back then
it was so easy
the early and mid 20s
lucy changed me
molly made it carefree
while maryjane remains centering
I wonder what you're wondering
are you wondering about me?
no one has ever wanted to know
why it's hard to love me
they only want to know why it wasn't easy
and then leave
some days it's still lonely
pity party planner of one, no need for an RSVP
I know it's only me
in my head, sort of drowning
wandering antique stores, buying stranger's found things
there's magic in the history, sadness in the poetry
rust and broken seams
take my heart strings
pluck them from me
I'd like you to try harder to please me
gotta turn off these ******* feelings first
I forget where this is going