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Mar 2019
I....I can't breathe
It all started when my feet hit the floor
I walked out of my room and heard whispers
You no longer look at me anymore
With every step I took
I wanted to cry out
My legs just shook
I went back to my room
I can't decide whats better
a coffin or this tomb

I feel nothing... absolutely nothing

I cried it all out the night before
So I sit at my computer and write a little note
This time my words won't be ignored
As I write my heart beats faster
DOES ANYONE CARE!! DOES NO ONE NOTICE?!?
Look.... I want to apologize to our pastor
You'll  stand up on stage
to say some half *** message
While my mother cries
as you read the rehearsed words on your page

How many people showed up?
Or did people stay home
because I was a **** up ?
Did he come?.. see he was my last straw
Did he look at my casket and wished he would've  texted me back
when I reached out vulnerable and raw
Did he cry?
I hope he did
cause he gave up on me
so i figured, why even try
I'm sorry to my sister
The pain got worse..I stopped talking
every word was a tongue twister
I prayed for the end...and it came
My cries echoed off the walls
To say my death was an accident
would be just to avoid the blame

Yes I believe God was with me that night
The demons left when he came down to hold me
His tears washed away the hurt
As my lungs finally gave up the good fight
He spared my soul ...well what little was left
I'm in the clouds now
Wishing my life wasn't a victim of theft
This is a poem that I wrote based on an actual suicide note I wrote on 10/25/18. Thankfully I'm in a better place now but i still felt the need to share this.
Lost Soul
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Lost Soul  F
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