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Feb 12
Maybe I’m writing to remember.
Maybe I’m writing to forget.
I just know that graphite stains my hands more often than blood now
That I’m drawing portraits of people I know will never return
I’m spilling my memories on a keyboard and hoping something will come of it
Some sort of peace.

She didn’t like washing paint off
Because she felt it carried memories
That the stains were more beautiful than the art
That somehow the chaos was the only thing that could capture her emotions.

I think I’m beginning to understand her
Little by little
As all of the words I say are never enough
They aren’t tragic or beautiful or pieced together in ways that make my heart weep
And my burdened shoulders light.
It’s the mess around them that pulls me one step closer to the light.

And he was the opposite.
Careful and calm and put together
Every word and every brush ****** and every careful curve of his lips into a smile
He meant everything he did
Like I wish I could.

But everything I do has meaning
So maybe I should take refuge in that
Let it pluck at my heart strings
Let it make me feel again.

They might’ve been my best friends
Or just another half forgotten dream.
I’m having more of those lately
And it scares me.
Reality is twisting and I don’t know what is real
I don’t know what has actually happened.
I don’t know if I saw anyone last night
Or if the figure stalking in the rain was just another nightmare.

And someone handed me a slip of paper
And I search everywhere and can’t find it
And maybe it was a dream
Maybe everything is breaking down into that half remembered daze of waking
And nothing is actually real anymore.

Maybe their chaos and order
Was just a beautiful dream
That I wish would spill into a memory.

I’m lost right now,
Forgive me.
Written by
What4221  🚗
     Fawn, M-E, Darrell Landstrom, juneau and ---
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