I look at my mother, beautiful and alive I look at her with wrinkles too evident for a woman of her age telling the stories of all her misery and I know- she only ever wanted to love and be loved she only ever wanted to get it right I see my grandmother, frail and full of wisdom but tragically alone no one to grow old with but herself and all of the stories of the men that walked away I look around at the seventh house I've lived in but I feel a feeling all too familiar because the same stories repeat in each one marriages ripped to shreds and I wonder what consistency feels like and I pray through tear-choked words that I will find a way to break this generational curse but the truth is I'm terrified I'm terrified of love because I've only ever lived to watch it fall apart and I don't blame my mother for the life I've lived because I know she tried her best to make it work to give us a stable home even if it meant sacrificing her own well-being I'm terrified of love because I've only ever seen it end in sadness and I don't know a man who's ever stayed
I wrote this in five minutes, honesty flows easily