i don't talk about you anymore

i often wonder whether they can tell
that i'm telling but not all
that i'm hiding behind my smiles and time tables
and that you're still on my mind

am i a fool?
am i kidding myself enough for the both of us?
did you not have to do anything in the end
because i lied to myself enough
did i do your work for you?

it doesn't hurt me anymore, you know
I lie
but seeing your face so distorted makes my hands shake
and hearing your voice, destroyed, beaten
makes my heart ache
and feeling my blood run faster makes me angry
and in general something in me feels like it'll break

you can't make me run like this anymore
you can't continue making me feel this way anymore
i'm hurting and i'm yearning, but worst of all
I'm hoping
for you to turn around, for you to clear the fog, for you to finally respond
for you. to come back the way you left

abruptly. unexpectedly. quietly. quickly.