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Jan 17
L’appel du vide,
The call of the void,
It’s like my life is over,
Everything is falling apart,
It’s supposed to be a joyous time,
The holidays,
That’s a lie,
I’m filled with heartache and demise,
I wish,
I wish it was different,
I wish I would have done better in school,
I wish I had a better job and didn’t have to work so many side gigs,
All for this,
So it’s not like I’m hopeless or in need of a charity,
Maybe just some mental clarity,
My family,
I love them,
I take the happy pills,
Even though they make me feel ill,
I’ll do it for you,
The things love will make you do,
Shove them down with such shame,
Only if they knew I felt this way,
I cry,
That makes it worse,
I thought it was supposed to get better after a storm,
I wish I could die,
I say it with such vain,
I say it with my vains,
When I cut deep with a blade,
Or sometimes,
When I’m so low,
I take another blow,
Burning to the arm,
I feel it in my chest,
Lighter paved the way to my duress,
It’s the ache I feel inside,
When my ptsd comes alive,
When oh when,
will they understand,
Im not meant for chosen land,
The abuse I suffered as a kid,
The ****** assault that lays amid,
I remember it in a vision,
Yet you deny it like my own mental decisions,
Psychosis you say,
Lock me up,
What can I say in a hospital bed,
I go crazy cause of the insanity,
Now you wheel me away and throw me to my cell,
I rip the papers you made me sign,
I don’t want this to be in this life,
You get angry and lead me away,
Forcibly I might say,
Locked up in my own padded cell,
All I can do is scream for help,
You lock the door and turn off the light,
Shut me down when I’m full of fright,
Go to bed you say,
You put me in here in a cage,
With nothing but a gown,
It doesn’t even cover all the way around,
I’m so scared so I scream as loud for help,
No comes I feel left for dead now,
Panic attack,
I’m under attack,
I lay still thinking,
I am dead or am I dreaming?
Then I scream,
I need to ***,
It’s a lie,
I see a light before my eyes,
You open the door so I run for my life,
I’m so scared and you tackle me to the floor,
You said I attacked you,
but I was scared you were going to **** me first,
Said the door,
It’s all these ******* memories,
Can’t catch a break even when I smoke thc,
It’s medical yet you make me feel guilty for using,
Like I’m an addict and not trying to lift my mood,
Or take away the awful memories,
Of all the evil things that been done to me,
I take my pain,
I pour my tea,
I take a sip into eternity,
Death can’t be so bad,
Not after all that I’ve seen.
Written by
Bettlejuice  F/Earth
   mercy party and Yveline
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