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Jan 2019
depression is a civil war. you're essentially fighting yourself. and i don't mean that you are your mental illness. i mean your mental illness is you. it's just as much you as your brain or your heart. it's made of the same molecules that make up the skin on the back of your hand. (but for the record, nobody really knows that anything is made of molecules. it's all a construct of humankind's perception to their observations). my point is, fighting in a war with a predetermined winner seems pointless and unfair. but when you actually are fighting it, you don't know which part of you will win. but you do know you will win. sometimes, the mental illness wins. sometimes you lose your war. and that's okay. you never really can win your war. you simply dominate your mental illness. dominance can be overthrown. don't believe me? i dominated my mental illness. but here i am. writing an essay in the form of a poem. and since something changed along the way, i've been thinking about this civil war. i've known for a while that i was fighting it. so why am i just now deciding i'm going to choose when and how my blood stops flowing through these veins covered in beautiful scars. the answer is overthrown dominance. you can try every coping skill, every drug, every conversation, but that only masks the war. it doesn't get rid of your mental illness. it only helps you dominate. dominance can be overthrown. i know i sound bleak and hopeless. but it's the truth. some people can dominate until they die of other things. but they never win their war. but they don't lose it. no dosage of any drug can fix your chemical imbalance. i say it like that because that's what it is. it's the same as if you had an imbalance in your blood cells. but for some people with mental illnesses, it's controllable with a pill. when you look at the science behind it, the pill stimulates your nerves to send a signal to a gland in your brain to release serotonin or dopamine, therefore balancing out the chemicals. but if the person forgets their pill, their chemicals are still imbalanced. you can never really **** a mental illness. but it can **** you. and that's terrifying.
Written by
abi  13/F
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