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Jan 8
writhing in pain
i remembered vividly
what the doctor had said to me
"you have manic depression
but you are too young"
and then she walked out

i was thirteen
i didn't know
what that meant

so i tossed in bed
and ate my blanket
but not the food they served me
because if i ate food
then i wouldn't be
pretty
like her

"you can't touch each other
not even fingertips"
i needed love
from someone who knew
my struggle
they took that opportunity away
(for another few months)

"your family is here to visit"
i said i didn't want to

"you are in control of
your stay here"
you didn't even
try to stop me
from lying
my way out
you helped me
lie

"you can't listen
to what kept you alive"
why not?
but you can play songs
that describe
****
with the curse words
bleeped out

"we'll give you the others
information if they leave it
for you"
they did
so why don't i have it

"you can't have any
unsupervised utensils"
then tell me
why
did you leave us
a group of
unstable and
freshly medicated
teenagers
alone in a room
with scissors and glue
scared and confused

"you can talk about
anything in group therapy"
then why couldn't i speak
when i was ready?
was it that
i wanted to tell them
how ******* thankful
i was
to be somewhere that
finally
wanted to help
with people like me

"we want to help you get better"
the biggest lie you told
"if the pill doesn't help, just tell us"
you called me an addict
"you can tell us anything"
you made me feel nauseous
"you're safe here"
you made me undress
after visible discomfort
and tears
so you could look
and poke
and ****

"you have manic depression"
but we wont treat you for it

instead, we will treat you for depression
with a touch of
anxiety
because we don't want you better
we just want you away

I have manic depression
Untreated for at least
Four years.
At this rate
And my mental state(s)
It could very well be
Borderline Personality.

I have(had) manic depression
And they took four years
Away from me.
i was in the mental hospital for 6(?) or 8(?) days. it wasn't all bad, it just wasn't good. if any of you have bipolar or bpd and would be open to talking to me please message me. it's scary to realize this.
void
Written by
void  18/Non-binary/the void
(18/Non-binary/the void)   
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