Every time I hear of you-- I wonder what went wrong that you would choose another over me.
The cogwheels of my brain would constantly rewind to the very day we meet; the nerves I had prior and the brief good memories.
This bitter nostalgia reminded me of my foolish sense of hope that I was the special one among many others--
Only when I was told that I was rejected did I realise... I was only a pitiful jester; dancing and joking for your fancy on that very day.
I could not help thinking, being rejected on a Christmas eve is a terrible Christmas present, and also the only Christmas present I had.
They say that it was not His will-- But they also did not know... Perhaps it was His will that I spend the dead morning of Christmas soaking my pillow in tears while nursing a overactive mind.
And yes, I saw you again on New Years Eve-- from afar, where everyone was celebrating of their successful association with you with delirious hopefulness and motivation... Meanwhile, I was made to welcome the New Year all alone with tears in memory of your rejection.
People rejoicing and being congratulated getting the job you want while you are spending the new year alone is probably one of the worst feeling one can get. Some people are destined for greater heights while others will always be eating off the feet of others.
Happy belated New Year. So yes, I will not have stupid expectations and resolutions for 2019. I will be realistic.