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Dec 2018
I brush my teeth and stare at the blood from my sensitive gums,
pretending it's from my wrist
Intentionally charge my phone with the wire across my neck pretending
it can choke me to death
Anything that would make me feel like I'm close to taking my life
Also stand on the edge of the twenty-fourth floor of some hotel room
So high but still feels like drowning
Or stay underwater until I can't breathe no more
So deep but still feels like falling

But no, I'm afraid to die
I'm afraid not to see the people that in my funeral will cry
They may be just three but I hold them so dearly
I'm afraid to let them know that their presence is not enough
To fill the void of darkness that's consuming me inside.
Because they are enough
but the darkness is too much.

So I'll just keep on practicing death
Until it will finally come and get me.
It's the anxiety that pulls us to the darkness. It's the people we love that gives us a little bit of the light they have for themselves.
JK Casilda
Written by
JK Casilda  22/F/Void
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