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Dec 2018
I want to be normal so bad,
I think I seek normality more than how I hope for love from my dad.
Being normal is what I need,
I mean who will want someone who is fascinated by seeing their self bleed?
Sometimes I feel so lost,
But what can I do? I'm not someone who’d say “I want normality, no matter the cost”.
Yes, I do want to be normal, but what if being normal isn’t me?
Sometimes I think there’s a different side to me, a side which I just fail to see.
Usually I just see myself as an abnormal person who doesn’t belong in this dreadful place,
But at times I have to wonder if there’s something else to me, like how the **** did I tough out so much hate and ache.
I want to be normal so bad for I can’t understand the things that go through my mind,
And these I will not tell people for they’d slowly leave me, they’d see me as a freak sign.
I want to be normal, but then again I can’t deny who I am, I can’t deny myself,
I’ve already tried burying this part of me, and trust me it ruined my mental health.
Whips, chains, collars, ropes, razors, blood, darkness, Submissive, being choked that is me,
I can’t pretend, I can’t be what people want me to be.
Wattpad, NF music, being alone, being trapped in my mind, having dark thoughts these are my comforts,
But still, I am a loving and fun person, for what its worth.
I think normality isn’t for me,
Normality is something I should no longer seek.
I am not normal and I accept that now, I accept who I am,
For if I can't accept me, then I don’t think anyone else can.
Sometimes she's just tired of being different, tired of not being able to open up to her friends and partner. And that *****...
Catalina Ruby
Written by
Catalina Ruby  16/F/Kingston Jamaica
(16/F/Kingston Jamaica)   
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