i hate you, and i wish you were dead,
because if you were dead,
i could remember you kindly,
my memory would be of
how you cared for me,
not how you hurt me.

i could reflect on us fondly,
without every memory tainted
by how you left me all bone,
that vultures could not find
anything left to pick of me.

there would be no need
to think about what you were up to
every single day.
i would think of you rotting,
and how i wished you could stay.

i wouldn't pace aimlessly,
my head cold like the winter sky,
knowing you are out there living,
vivacious, carefree,
not giving a **** about me.

i do not wish to have unmet you,
but i do wish you dead.
instead i'm grieving someone
who's still alive.