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Nov 2018
Every time I see you smiling in the hallways I break a little wondering where I am now in your mind.
do you remember me only when you see me?
do you remember me so well you cry yourself to sleep at night?
do you break inside when you see my face the pain you learned so well to see in my features even through the fake smile?
In my eyes do you see them the silent tears?
do you know they are for you that I cry inside when I hear your name do you know the pain you’ve caused?

you were the only one that I felt safe with.
you took my sense of security you were my home the place i felt most safe now I am homeless trying to not feel.
I’m trying to survive high school,
but you were all that was keeping me from truly falling on my face now that you are gone I am constantly saying high to the floor.
But it still hurts the cold ground I’m sleeping on.
Yes, I have friends but for how long how long until they say I’m done with you and leave me like you did.
then I don’t think I would be able to even get up off the ground.
While you listen so do they.
you help me so do they.
you sit next to me them not so much now I’m sitting all alone at the lunch table not eating just thinking about you,
and lunch gets dismissed I am getting up the slowest and throw away my full plate of food not even touched.

my eyes are so dark from the lack of sleep because of the nights that I have stayed up crying.
On the nights that I manage to sleep my dreams are about you,
but the dreams aren’t dreams they are nightmares.
Yes, you just left but I guess I knew you wouldn’t stay.
But, I got too attached and tore myself apart robbed myself of a home.
I’m broken and destroyed but if you were to come and ask me how I am doing I’d plaster a fake smile,
and look into your eyes and tell you the same lie that I have been telling for months now I’d say I’m fine,
I couldn’t be doing better.
But, you’d know I’m lying you’ve known I’ve been lying.
But, you let me tell my lie because you know if you say anymore then I’d start to cry.
You also know you couldn’t keep hurting me but what you don’t know is that I would rather you stay and hurt me by pressing.
then to leave me in an endless black void of lies and tears.
You, leave I cry,
You, come back I cry,
in the end I’m still crying it makes me feel worthless,
but all you do is sit back and watch the emotional mess you’ve created.
Written by
brynnpowers  14/F/maryland
     Yann and Fawn
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