every time i feel alone, frustrated, empty, hurt; when i feel enraged, disgusted, ashamed, misunderstood
is the reason i do it.
the stings my body resonates with as i separate my skin by a blade, is nothing compared to the pain that resides within me.
why do i do it?
i can't give you a direct answer.
i do it because, when i am upset, it's the equivalent of taking a calming drag from a much needed cigarette. i do it because, when i am angry, i seek only myself to take that anger out on. i do it because, when i am empty, i crave nothing more than to feel the harsh tingles left behind by the harsh metal.
why the **** do i do it?
because i ******* detest myself, that's ******* why. because every time i force myself to gaze into my own dead orbs in the mirror, all i see reflected is pools of loathing and suffering. because at night when the subtle ache that's been clinging to my chest suddenly clenches me until i can no longer breathe, i realise that the only one to blame is myself. because i ******* hate myself.