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Nov 2018
you were different
i let myself feel things that i normally don't
you said things you shouldn't have
and when i ask you about them, you get annoyed
or say you don't want to think about it
"love you mia, i always will," you say
yet you're still with her
"i would go crazy if i couldn't have you as a friend,"
yet you are perfectly fine on the days we don't speak
you said you dreamt about us cuddling and that it felt amazing
you also said that when you dream about her,
they're never as good
and yet i still see you in the halls
holding hands with her,
hugging her,
kissing her
that really ******* hurts.
regardless, i would still give you another chance
and maybe that's my own problem, but it's true
i tend to put walls up
and as hard as i tried to not let them fall,
you broke through them
people don't typically show romantic interest in me
so when you did, it scared me
i have a bad fear of people leaving
but i told myself that you were different
i don't really know why
maybe it's because you make me laugh like no one else does
maybe it's because the way you say my name
or maybe it's because i could see us being together for a long time
maybe because you give me a sense of hope
i don't know what is but you make me feel like i have a real chance of being happy
i wish you would've given us a real chance
and as frustrated as i am,
i'm still hoping that you'll give us a chance one day
you met her parents this past weekend
i wonder how it went
part of me wants to be happy for you
but another part of me hopes that it doesn't work out
so that the likelihood of us being together increases
i know it's wrong,
that if i really care about you i should just want you to be happy
but i can't help but feel jealous
it's like i was just something you could play with
whenever you were bored,
or lonely
but no more
and to think
i thought that i was falling in love with you
you were supposed to be different.
this is my first time publishing a poem in almost three years, im sorry if it's messy.
Written by
mia  17/F/NY
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