Sitting rethinking as time goes by
these thoughts are driving me crazy I am imploding inside.
Like shooting stars and Merry-go-round
it will be a miracle for me to hold them inside.

I'm slowly turning violent now she sees it in my eyes.
The thought of been alone is a fear in disguise.  

I have read these pages
and have seen these stories before.
What can I do to expect a different fall?
Why am I such a sucker for these words?

Why can't I be empty and wallow in pain.
I should jar my heart and let loose this shame.
I should set a fire to feelings running wild and free in play.
I should set a blind eye to reason please check me,
I don't think this is just a game.
I might just be hurtin' all excuses aside
Don't wanna open my eyes,
Just to see another lie.

She said I'm a privilege baby just because I'm first born.  
Truth is my emotions are flaring, they windy hurricane
Beating down my very thoughts I hope they okay.
Now she got caught in them, deep down I hope she
feels pain.
So just like me we can be trapped in a confused narrow state.
Maybe then she can feel my pain and confusion as it swirls  
like a pendulum that changes fate.  
I think and rethink things
scared to go wrong.
Lost in this dark ally hoping the light comes on.

I could be blundering but this feelings are too strong.