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Oct 2018
Alcohol becomes
More celebratory
Than a birthday cake-
Blowing out a candle from the ends of my
Cigarette,
Stuff it out in the frosting
There's a party waiting
But it's just
Me and you
Lets make people remember us
While we forget
Just have a few,
Band-Aids over the
Bleeding wound
While the band plays,
While the party is confused
Doing no favors for them,
Or for you

I don't want to be “that girl” again,
The target of their dagger eyes-
That triggers their mouths,
Hanging around-
Waiting like a time bomb
A subject for their savage grins-
I'm the unfinished sentence
That keep them laughing,
While the lights dim- when music
Is a bouncing hum,
I'm the roar of the traffic
Swerving over shoulders,
Dodging your
“Hello”
Spitting out a
“Goodbye”
From the holes in my teeth
The inconclusive tragedy  
What happens now?

Anxiety is a twisted writer
I feel it tapping on the keys
Tick-tick-ticking
From the lips of these time bombs
Teeth held in their open jaws-
A silent applause for me
When I leave,
Because this party
Isn't doing any favors for you,
And no favors for me
Curtains closed,
End scene
Is this how it plays out?
Oh, uneducated anxiety,
Who gave you the right
Or the degree
To decide how this
Would play out for me

Maybe I want to do these things
Dress up
Actually feel pretty
Genuinely, with dignity
Smile without a cigarette between
My gritted teeth, my sleepless face
Maybe I want to go to a party someday
Feeling more like a person,
Less like pray in an open field
Or without needing a crutch,
A little alcohol in the blood
To silence the ticking time bombs
I want to dance in this warzone
Without the risk of being shot
By their wicked tongues,
That may even speak kindly of me,
But you don't want me to see that

It's just you and me
Can't loosen the strings you have on me
This party is doing no favors for you,

Or for me

So let's just leave
Jamie Lee
Written by
Jamie Lee  22/F/SoCal
(22/F/SoCal)   
520
   shipwreck
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