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Oct 2018
I’m about to get very real
I feel like I need to get it off my chest

I’m on this journey of self love
I’ve learned how to love
And most importantly accept
Who I am on the inside
I take pride in it
But ****, it took me a long time to get there
It took heartbreak
It took panic attacks
It took a lot of emotional and mental beatings
But I’ve learned to love who I am
Again, on the inside.

For the past year or so
I’ve been struggling to love who I am
On the outside
When I got my heart broken
My confidence shattered
I became scared to wear certain things
Scared to get close to another man
Because I knew my clothes would come off
I’m in love with a man
But I’m not in love with my body
And the thought of getting in bed with him
Terrifies me
I pray that he is patient enough
To help piece myself back together
To build something back up
That was once so strong

I can’t really explain
Why I feel this way about myself
Or about being intimate with someone
Maybe it’s because I’m scared to get that close
To someone again
Just to have your heart broken
Maybe it’s because I truly don’t love myself externally
Maybe it’s just my anxiety talking
But this is me
These are my biggest fears
My biggest obstacles in life at the moment
I know I can overcome them
That day starts today.
Written by
Madison  20/F
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