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Oct 2018
I feel weird
My mom says you look at me like my father looked at her
And I look at you like she looked at him

Marriage is on my mind

I’m scared
The thought of it

I thought this was every girl’s dream

And don’t get me wrong

I love the way you tuck my hair behind my ear

The way you run up behind me and lift me up

The way we talk

Our little improv dates

The way you ask to do small things

The way we take care of eachother

But

I realize I barely had time to be a child

From the deaths
To the depression
The eating disorder
The abuse
The attempt  

I wasn’t a child
I grew up fast

And I regret that

I regret living in survival mode
For more than half my life

I regret only living in the future

Trying to figure out where I would be the next day

The hospital?
School?
Home?
A psych ward?

And now that I’ve stopped living in the future

I’m starting to think

That I barely have one
My ansxiety is extremely high today, I forced myself to eat, I feel like crying, I can’t stop dry heaving, and I’m constantly shaking. I can’t stop worrying, so much was been revealed to my parents. They’re upset and disappointed in me and I can feel it. They don’t trust me anymore.
Dinodust
Written by
Dinodust  17/F/Happiness
(17/F/Happiness)   
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         Tulsa, No Nahme, milkweedangel, Tess, Daysong and 15 others
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