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Oct 2018
Spring, March:
I am the happiest I have ever been
There are no birds where I live but I swear I hear them in the morning
I do not put on any masks today
My smiles are the curves my muscles have formed themselves

My senses are greeted by the smell of the earth after its affair with the rain
The fragrance of freshly cut grass and flowers newly welcomed into this world enter my soul
And for some reason, it feels like it decided to root itself inside me and call it home

I am growing a garden inside of me
And I know I’ve said this last year,
But I can feel it in my soul,
This is gonna be my year

Summer, July:
It’s been a while since I’ve truly felt the sun embrace me in a million kisses
Don’t get me wrong,
It never failed to greet me in the morning
But today, today was different
It arose to wake me up for my destiny
As if waiting expectantly and surely for the moment I am to shine brighter than itself
And for some reason, I feel it too

The heat does not bother me
The sweat on my forehead assures me that I am doing hard work

Fall, October:
It’s a bit chillier than expected
I can feel a light breeze enter my spine
The same way I would when entering a haunted house in a theme park
Or the moments I’d get a text saying “we should talk”
It feels like something bad is about to happen
But my mom always told me never to worry about the what ifs that could possibly never happen

Winter, December:
My feet have sank into the inches thick of snow
I swear I am trying my hardest but I just can’t seem to lift them up to move faster
Or move any step forward at all

I look back and all I see is snow
I have forgotten where I came from as well as where I am heading
Wait, no, I remember
Wait, no, let me get my feet out of this snow first
Wait, what

Winter, January:
I am freezing
And I am cold
I am still stuck
I am still waiting
But now, I’m lost

I haven’t moved in so long that I have forgotten the smell of flowers in March and how it felt when the sun showered me with kisses in July
Or maybe it was all just a dream

Maybe I was meant for only here

Winter, February:
But no
I remind myself that winter only comes and stays for three months
Every month after is not just a dream
It is all reality
And I am only tasting the cold
But maybe experiencing the crisp winter air is what I needed to appreciate the fragrant ones that is up ahead

The seasons will come and the seasons will change
But who you are and what you’re capable of was never dependent on the breeze that filled the earth
You may have forgotten where you’ve come from
Or maybe even doubting where you are to go
Your feet may be stuck
But remember that the ice is bound to melt in a month or so

You are a warrior in training
So don’t give up before the real fight
Learn to make snowangels
And enjoy the rest
Sip some hot coco and bundle up

There is a reason for every season
And you might not see it yet
But hope that is seen is not hope at all
Every season has its purpose
But seasons do not define you

Remember that God is control
The same God that filled your lungs with the aromas of daisies in April
And allowed the sun to embrace you in June
Is the same God who is with you in the winter
And you might feel like He’s far away
But honey, He’s just preparing your flowers for March
Do not settle for single stemmed half bloomed roses
When your Father is preparing you an entire garden

The waiting may make you restless
But sometimes rest is what we need

So hold your head up and get ready for the thawing
Do not let three months define what happens in a year
Remember, there are four seasons that come annually
Do you not remember what comes after the cold?

Spring, March:
The ice have all melted
And I can see the roads again

Dear self,
March will always come
Abby Elbambo
Written by
Abby Elbambo  Qatar/Philippines
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