They want me to come to them, they miss me they say, they’ll take care of me they say. These ghosts try to bribe me with empty promises and voided checks. An illusion of happiness and peace if i only give up the life i’m currently living and return to God They have no idea how ive changed. How clearly i can see now. Lady justice might be blind but i dont have to be, impartial justice doesnt exist with ghosts, never has and it never will. These ghosts no longer talk to me, i’ve strayed to far off the narrow road. Shunned for wanting to live a life that is my own, for wanting to love someone who is apart of the world. For so many things that i have done and that i continue to do and none of them are even evil! Not to the living at least. The memories of the years i devoted haunt me. I had tried so hard, so very very hard to prove my worth. To show them i could be a loyal follower of christ as well, the ghosts didnt care, it didnt matter how much i was struggling, how close to the edge i was, the traumas ive been through. I didnt pray enough, i didnt throw my burden solely upon god, i didnt go out and preach the word of god enough Instead i had turned to the world for help, i had turned towards people who’s job was to help me not want to die, to help me work through my problems. I had turned my back on the ghosts. And every-time i had tried to return to them they only made it harder for me to get into paradise. And after all they had done, after being labeled a deserter and being shunned, i still miss them. I sometimes still wish i could go back Making the choice to leave the organization easy. Not returning to God is the hard part.