Now whenever I think back
to that feeling which has
almost completely been erased from my memory
I wonder

Was the feeling
that he was there waiting for me
that any moment I’d be in his grip
in his claws

I’d be helpless
alone

That was the worst part
alone
no one else
even if there were, they weren’t any better off

Just me
in a solitary
suspended
state of terrified numbness
so caught up in the moment

Then there was no time
to think logically
and see it for what it was

As I can do now
But
as much as I am relieved to be freed from the dreadful mindless panic
There is a part of me that feels it’s loss