i am aware
-the decisions i make
-the things i consider
-the time i spend
i am aware of it all
-of the consequences
-of the change
-of the things it'll bring

and i still
walk the line
avoiding the worst
through dumb luck
or just a really
tired guardian spirit

or perhaps others just know
not to let me drag myself
down there with them

i don't think
even for how much
i try to be stupid
that i'm anything less than
relieved
when it just doesn't work out