had we stayed together we may have become silence"
And some days I wonder if that silence is something that I would've looked forward to; things get awfully loud in the world outside and I think it might have been comforting to come home from the cacophony to a deep, warm silence.
But other days, I'm reminded of how scared I am of silence. I think of all of my worst fears and insecurities reverberating within my skull, growing louder with every bounce- no one else can hear it though. This kind of silence is invisible, stifling, and self-imposed.
This kind of silence yearns for affirmations and terms of endearment that aren't here anymore; they've grown stale in the quiet between us.
And I think that some day, I might just want to come home to something loud;
to someone who will proclaim love from the tops of mountains, and have the strength of their words drown out the self-doubt whispering inside my mind.
Maybe silence isn't what I wanted-
maybe I'm glad you left.
the first four lines I saw on Instagram (user @mazadohta) and thought of the rest of this piece in response.