Here I stood with ***** crystals beneath my feet and waited for the sky to turn golden. Here I laughed into the echoing tunnel under my home as wet earth dripped on my skin. Here I learned about parenthood among feathers and little eggs and ungodly morning crows. Here I gloated about the manhood which sprouted from under my arms and in my mischievous thoughts. Here I waited till dark to meet him in secret all the while dreading the sound of tires on gravel. Here I buzzed with excitement as the boys had their lazy Sunday afternoon. Here his freckles came close to mine as he softly said "you're so beautiful" with Bruno Mars playing in the background. Here I said I would never grow up. Here I comforted her with my pain because I had to be brave. Here I forgot that being called "muddy children who act like savages " was considered an insult. Here I cried into the stars for reasons I didn't understand. Here I walked on hands and feet with happy little scratches and silent giggles. Here only the sound of our beating hearts and delicate pride could be heard as I held him close. Here I sang at the top of my favorite tree and waited for the words to hurt him as much as he hurt me. Here the glow of a flashlight illuminated our tent as I asked her if she liked me like that. Here a little piece of me was left sitting on a branch waiting to capture the next magical heart. Here I wrote "I love you" on a mango leaf only to realize that he spelled love differently. Here I sat beneath bright green trees and pondered my not-so-complicated life. Here my words came out blurry and my stomach swayed like a sail boat out on a windy morning. Here my hands went numb as I raced to the end of his life. Here I visit through pictures and messy journals to remember the little things that are now so so big. Here I left muddy footprints now covered with grass, but here they will stay.